Like Father Like Son

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Like Father Like Son

7.12.19

David Rim

Hey, it's been too many years since you've been gone. I know you are up there in heaven laughing with friends. Your son is still searching deep wondering what I am made for. Sorry I am not able to protect the family as high as your standard. Just letting you know how weary I am day to day. How even to this day I am beginning to understand the things you passed to me by blood.

From what little memories I have as a child. My dad did things with efficiency or maybe for protection. He was always there when it counted although there were too few opportunities. He was there when I had a school play. I didn't know anything other then I had to play a role. He came in all dressed up to watch his son do goofy things. There are pictures to commemorate this. He was busy doing three jobs, but made the effort to buy his son a present. Even made sacrifices to drive me to buy MegaMan 6 when it came out. I wish I could remember the joy on his face when I was so attached to material things. He stopped by in 6th grade for my choir concert. Even though your son did not want the spotlight.

You probably shifted things in your schedule by your smooth words and connections you made. You knew what was priority and made the moves quietly. My friend knows I memorized the lyrics to Faith Evans ft Diddy - I'll be missing you. I said no to the teacher at the time. I still remember the lyrics to the rap verse today.

Not sure what makes my heart move. I remember awkwardly coming to visit people alone at the hospital when I heard of their injuries. Bring people soup and medicine because they feeling sick in the dorms. Handing people gifts or support for school and missions. Just a way to brighten people's days even if I expected nothing in return. This is how I want to move in the background. But there's no way to sustain this without the sense of belonging. No way to be extra overly generous without wanting the equal or greater reaction.

It's okay as long as you are being blessed. I'll receive mine if and when they come.

It's okay I just want to absorb the music and sing my heart out when no one's watching.

Always loved by the neighbors or customers from the gas station we owned. Just an individual comfortable with his own self. Enough to throw a lit fire cracker at a customer using the payphone. That's like me grew up in church helped out with the children's ministry. Loved by adults and served faithfully before I started to gain opinions. Not sure why people are attracted to me. I'm reticent, awkward, and wanting to fill this void. Not like I hate people they just keep becoming attached too me. People seem to interrupt my life while I'm in the zone. I know Jesus wants me to be happy but I can't stop wallowing in self pity.

It's been awhile since I cared about your opinions.

It's been far too long since I had a supportive community. The more I want to push away they draw closer.

I say this many times in my mind "I have no desire to live but the world is only becoming darker." Though I fill with anxiety I can put on the smile for today. You passed away too early but I know who you are with what you left behind today.

Like Father Like Son.