Bad Intentions II
Photo by Guillermo Latorre on Unsplash
Bad Intentions II
David Rim
Girl comes up to me saying "I like you"
Surprised by the forwardness I said okay.
led to time spent together
led to being together
their logic didn't make sense
One of my favorite lines is "I'm not experienced enough" which is reasonable & situational?
I can say they wanted me for some reason. Not like I cared enough to question any motives. It was just new to me. Wouldn't the situation be their fault? I was at an unstable emotionally vulnerable place to be easily indifferent. At a place in life where "fuck the world and fuck things in my path" is the motto. Spent a lot of time together and learned a few things about her. The story I was fed was she had a few boyfriends before didn't want to rush things. Had a traumatic experience (basically sounded like a rape situation). Beyond any physical attraction my minds always been sharp in trying to decipher things. Things ended slowly when I pushed them off me at 4-5 am when I had an important exam at 8 am. Like you want it that bad and my grades are suffering for other reasons. I cannot allow myself to completely fail this thing called education its supposed to give me a pathway for independence. Then there was the other hook up going on in the other bed I'm pretty sure I heard a "no...not that there" but it happened anyway. You know that mood when you are too tired and want rest but proceed with the sexual encounter.
wheres the self control?
whats this physical attraction?
whys the gravity phase too strong?
Later she cheated on me with a friend, but things were mutual. Is it cheating though when I already saw it coming? Like my senses were sharp enough to know what was happening behind my back. Periodically during these years I was learning that Jesus had my back even though it was difficult to see things his way. I still did not care. People just need to be themselves. You do you why should I keep a record of hate, right and wrong? It was a set of bad intentions that ended for the better. My friend for some reason is the only one to reach out their hand when I felt despair. This is the one that swept the girlfriend from right under me. Kind of ironic that the bro life is still intact. I might want to punch him in the chin when I see him again, but things are okay. We both moved forward with life some faster then others (me). Cynically, though he got my leftovers jk she was not emotionally stable neither was I but things are okay we survived.
While in the moments of living life it is easy to accept temptations. It is easy to go through the motion and repetitions of the daily grind. What is that one thing that will push you forward? Bad intentions aside I am allowed to be kind because of Jesus. Because I just want to be kind think how you want. I want to put my friends under the light, but I need to put one over me first. Life is not very pleasing for me right now. It might be some sort of funk I'm in. I'll see you fam on the other end of these short term bad intentions.