Bad Intentions I
Bad Intentions I
David Rim
Once upon a time there is a memory of me wanting to study. It might be finals, tests or general. Time was an issue during this time I had to juggle work & school. Me and a friend were studying, but I was super determined. Time was not on my side. I remember it clearly they were playing footsies underneath the tables. I actually had no time to spare, so when I noticed I gave the eye glare "like really"? I told them to stop a few times or like a concerned parent to maybe study too. My words weren't being listened to maybe it's that desire to test the patience level. Like a person won't turn into a little devil if provoked. I feel it is dangerous to underestimate an individuals (will to survive).
I got the person to stop. Now I'm losing all concentration on studying. Things were getting steamy it was turning into some fifty shades of gray. It was all my fault because I was the aggressor. They didn't want to. How fucking confusing can you make a guys emotions? We cannot process it the same as females do.
Is it my fault. I put my hands in the air clearly dumbfounded. I already know the situation. Conclusion is it's my fault.
They had a man.
Going through drama.
I went aggressive instead of passive for one time in my life.
But it's okay to emotionally cheat. Then get all playful, touchy, and flirty like it's supposed to be platonic. Like fuck it's not all about you. Lie to your heart and your true self but do not try to test me. I have been burned enough trying to be kind and oblivious. In the end people are after their own interests. If you want to play games with me brace yourself. Do you want me to hold back my suppressed emotions? I have things barely together I am just awesome at letting things slide for the time being. Not like my mind has many temptations that keep getting piled on by the minute. Its chill though~
Life tip*
One thing I know is to just not give even a chance to let the devil in for temptations. Self-control is hard to control.
In the future
It was mutual (good and the ugly)
Too much time spent with them.
Coming from me the hindsight is always 20/20. Who is at fault now? I went after them at the wrong time. They accepted. Then when I pulled back they started aggressively moving forward to me. Where is the line to the blurry images racing through my head? This is what they call a life experience and how we take it to push ourselves is the importance. How God isn't worried about the grass being greener on the other side. Jesus watches your heart and how refined it becomes through life's good and ugly. It really isn't about religion because it isn't dead see how my friends are living? They walking that narrow path of caring out love and truths. At the time I respected their decisions no matter what drama they were going through. I was still awkward and wanting to keep my life private. We spent a lot of time together which was my way of showing I cared. Time is a resource very important too me. Over the years the more time you waste of mine the more annoyed you'll make me. So I said it here quality time, not my words said/unsaid, and showing respect is how I am. But it does not necessarily mean it is received as showing love, loyalty, and filling the void in their heart that was trying to be replaced with me.
I love to listen. I am good at listening. I am the gatekeeper of secrets. I love and care in my own unique way. Bad intentions aside I have that one thing that pulls me to the other side of the line every time. Jesus.