Marry, Kill, Fk*

Marry, Kill, Fk*

David Rim

Kill, marry, fk* a hypothetical game you played with your friends. Where you put a group of favorites together and pick one action that they would be suitable for. Like I would kill Jerry he talks too much, but Jake hmm he has that nice height and plays pickleball everyday. I think Jake is more of a fk* because he's so focused on health he's lacking the material wealth we need to survive. Joseph though he owns everything he's his own boss and wears a t-shirt and jeans all the time.

Brings us to a moment me and a friend were trying to extrapolate. Why do men know within seconds whether we would friendzone someone? Why my coworker mentioned it's a psychological fact that within seconds of interacting with someone you just know if you are hooking up with them. How is it that the spirit that resides in me is shaking me uncontrollably. My mind says one thing, but my spirits trying to lead me down a scary narrow untraveled path.

My heart is rather restless this week. I know for sure these are my friends. We greet each other with hugs and mean the best for each other. However, we cannot get on the same page. Somehow the cogwheels just do not fit, but does not stop us for trying to spend some time and be there in spirit for each other. There are people to just fk*. Not sure if I would want to entertain this path. I have seen the positive effects of instant gratification before. I have also seen negative effects of giving in to our sinful nature. Not much to mention here I prefer less drama. Less stress from situationships is nice though. Not sustainable in the long-term though.

I would consider that person wifey. Stop fooling yourself your mind is just over active. No bitch it's the disconnect between my mind and spirit that's tearing me to pieces. Because my mind and social norms tell me no. My spirit says to pray and keep moving forward. How can you say they are wifey? Because I wrote down beyond superficial initial impressions what I really need. What I am trying to say is you notice. I am trying to retain the attention with timing, precision and consistency. The blessings from my spirit filled cup should overflow to those around me. While the latter is doing the extroverted thing be social, life of the party, let's make small talk. Cut the BS.

I am not strong. But those around me make me fortified.

Why did I label them wifey? I labeled them because I was using an example while the topic was being discussed. It is not because I have spoken to them much. I seem to not even have that opportunity arise. Is it alright to move forward when my all-in button becomes broken.

I am with certainty. Whoever said they are attending morning prayer is wifey. If we go down to religious beliefs we need both parties seeking God first. Then the rest falls into place. We could just end it there. Let's rewind the time back. They came to share that doctors have some good news. They are fully healed of a serious heart condition. I did not know this was possible, but all things through God is possible. Simultaneously, sparking a fire within myself that if they are healed I can be healed for something less complicated. Probably, saw everything I did attached by the words of me joking about traveling right away from your good news.

Wait David wtf are you smoking? Wish I smoked sometimes or binge drink. I avoid cigarettes because of all the negative effects. Flashback to when all my dad did was smoke and drink escape the harsh reality of immigrating. Smoking seems bizarre, but that guy Noah arrived late for SATs did score well in math while high taking the standardized tests. And lots of people drank socially at parties to get loose. They also said every week how much they loved that girl even though they fk* a new chick each week. With how stressful the weeks been going a glass of Pinot sounds wonderful right now. Fk it just give me the bottle of tequila.

Honestly, they weren't absorbed by the activities we were doing. They checked up on the kid enjoying their iPad time. Which, I made sure they were okay moments earlier. My brain cannot distinguish from being kind and being kinder. My spirit is dragging me closer to reacting instead of being so nonchalant and aloof. If they do not sing but only one time when handed a mic. Does that not mean I am here for that reason? Unconditional love of sharing what I have is yours? Similar to how I lent my pickleball paddles for people to play. Do I care the money I spent for the paddle? Not really.

Moving along there were open invites for three people to grab a coffee, have a drink night without the older crew, and something else. Can I just say load of bologna. My gut was telling me the third person was being used to bait me to react. I cannot break character still. Even used all the strength in my soul not to be seeping joy. Am I crazy?! Am I hearing this correctly?

Thank you for listening this far. It's wifey because they are just being themselves (showing kindness) towards me. Twice in one day. They showed a level of awareness, concern, observation and project managing way of things. It's not the introductions that drew me. It was the final introduction to assure me if I was okay. That the cards they have hidden until now were revealed. It's just means they have been watching since that day at the least (after they mentioned being fully healed). Like an experienced project manager should. Just like the short video I watched before editing this. Song Jieun (from the group Secret) prayed for the situation first then God produced the miracle.

In Jesus name I pray,

Amen.