Birthday Mind
In the Mind of the Birthday Boy.
David Rim
"처음 본 널 기억해
We skipped the small talk
바로 다음 단계였지 뭐"
Taeyeon - To X
"Darling, I'm a masterpiece, a work of art
Hi, my name is Fabulous, your favorite star"
Taeyeon - Fabulous
Privet, Welcome In.
There are people out there that share the same day as me. I know of a person who likes to sing and does hair. It seems this person lost their mother too early, before their performance on stage. I send my prayers. I believe a few from high school share the same curse at least a mountain dew lover a few days after mine. The most heartbreaking is one that gave me chills hearing about the on going journey. In coma for years, right before your schooling finished. It only sent shockwaves through and through. Why am I allowed to live so foolishly? Am I firmly rooted in faith where I slip barely through the evil spirits tackles?
I wish I had the spine to be face to face with you all.
Always deeply in prayer I tend to seek others interest before mine. Phil 2:4 the only thing rooted with me since the day my father passed away. Why did God change the course of my journey as I started to become rooted in-stability again. Not sure but I reverted back to self exclusion, quietness and stillness. Death is not to be taken lightly and as I mentioned "I am just doing the motions of life right now".
I planned to work like normal, quietly. If anyone gave me some sass I could throw in the birthday pass. I figured out who is the 'snitch' at work. Hindsight just shows they are doing their job. But doing the job plus the discernment I have makes them murky gray water at best. I dislike the need for politics.
I saw my coworker who happened to sit next to my ex coworker which made my approach tricky. Me and relationships have always been awkward at best. Somehow, they started work 30 mins later than the usual. I managed to use some of the Russian I have been learning. It's okay though they attend another church called New Life as well. I start to laugh deeply inside because today may not be as quiet as I plan for it to be.
God you are trolling me hard.
I got to see my favorite work people. I even saw an evil bitch from many years ago. Still evil and unreasonable to this day. Tried to cause drama, but my boss wanted to find her to tell her harassment to the workers aren't accepted here. I've been at the Q for many years finishing up school. Before I could transition out my health took a dip (an understatement). At the same time COVID occurred and I was agitated at the leaders choices. This also expedited and triggered health conditions. Cracks in the armor the evil spirits definitely tried to break open fully.
I ended up micro scrolling through the usual today. Wait, what is this +1 in notifications.
Around this time last year you introduced yourself to me. All I thought was how sweet and gentle your soul was.
What you do not know is... Last year Sunday landed on my birthday. I first started my treatment for diabetes, so it was my peak sickness and the return to church life. I used all energy I had to not lash out mentally and not feel sick physically. I longed for rest, and deep connection, but every three months I slowly started regaining control of myself. (It takes three months for your red blood cells to fully replenish). You were talking to the individual I was with so I thought you two were well acquainted. Then you spun around reaching your hand out like, "hey I'm X" like doing the motions of church. But not I thought, "wait isn't this ironic".
I remember the first day (5+ years ago) you were playing bass in that green trench coat rocking your short hair style. A masterpiece, a work of art entrenched in artistry. Yes, still sat near the front alone the first days of you here and even now. Less free spirited though I'll assume you noticed my quiet steadfast presence.
Will you ever run across these words. This is just one half of the story from a biased perspective. You made the day, week and more. The cherishing of time taken to reach out your hand. I call your bluff.
It's funny how these days we are so plugged in but what's best for us is to disconnect from this world.
2020 I messaged you randomly on IG the paper trail says so. 2024 I messaged you again because I couldn't get it out of my mind. Your aesthetics are so professional. 2023 when you introduced yourself to me. I just realized that I found your IG was followed during a time I was not attending in person church. Although your presence has been established many years before. In between our meetings because "it" kept popping up in my feed (your IG). I thought what you posted was cool so I followed. The reason I was recommended was because an individual I follow from Canada that loves to dance and lived her life on social media who thought similar.
God why is the timing ending up like this? Backwards like how I have been living life. I ask in wonder like Job being stripped of everything, but in the process keeps returning to God like a lost sheep that is being found.
Keep doing you and may God be with you in your journey.
Our motto are quite similar. I suggest people to "be you, be yourself, less is more". I think I wrote down somewhere I want to partner up and learn from you. I'm being too sappy now. That is so not me Mr. Emotions. God has been with me revitalizing my soul. Now I need to let things be.
Please allow me to illustrate this post with an awesome visual. These are just things my heart wishes to share without the burden of feeling overwhelmed.
Cheers~