Bastard

Bastard

David Rim

I ran into a patch of poets that sounded pleasant to the ears. Mindlessly scrolling through reels reminded me of the stranger I have met. And the one friend that passed. Yes the one from the Thai spot we visited.

Song came to mind called "Still" a worship song.

I feel I need to take some time for myself. It's not quite a step back, but more of a stillness to remain at peace. I didn't blink in $1k pots, but when it comes to relational moments they are a death trap. That it isn't a death trap. I met a random therapist online who unraveled my mess masterfully. Despite the aggressive worldly advice it's sound. While they wanted help for work or scam me. They ended up being my light in the thick of things. They told me to become the bastard I was.

Song came to mind "Waymaker" another worship song.

There is a list of tasks all I have to do is click submit like it's a hw assignment. It will move the progress bar forward. That steady consistent disciplined behavior. It seems to be time to let go of good for what's greater. What I see now has shifted. God is asking why won't you allow me to love lavishly. Why are you working so hard on these tasks alone. That without knowing my love language of PT is what will have to be used to bring healing and not the opposite. Yes, you are allowed to give me hugs. JK I'll probably see it a mile away and dodge. :) I'm a ninja that way.

Do I dive into carnal bastardism? Can I keep focused on Jesus to be my strength, wisdom, support and peace? Can I dodge the evil spirits who work 10x harder than those that follow Jesus. Something's at peace here. Even as I stare at some face to face. The bastard in me wants to love lavishly. I am selfish in nature. God is saying to be bold. Bold is over there. Backed by the boldness of God. Let's see if I can further extend my arms out to the heavens. I do not want any of the smoke. I really do not. I just need the boldness of a mustard seed.