Advent

Advent

David Rim

The days are moving quickly I get the most excited for the new year. January represents birthday(s) month. I have long foregone any kind of celebrations or parties. I prefer to be in solitude with a small crowd. Although, it's my birthday month a lot of awesome people I have crossed paths with come within the January memories.

What brings me peace? I should just be excited about Jesus and ultimately that should be the only thing necessary. I'm totally skipping December, but a lot of cool people I have yet to meet were born. You know all those crazy Internet moments. When all you could do is play video games to escape the reality of not having that critical role model in your life any more. I tried to grow up fast. Only made mistake after mistake until it became more bearable. Lots of being hurt and hurting others as I tried to reach an equilibrium of self discovery. Pushing boundaries, limits and seeing the world as a science experiment.

I can't help but approach with caution. Years ago I would just simply slide cancel my way under that yellow caution tape. Now, it's just a casual stroll up to the familiar yellow tape because nothing unexpected can happen outside the realm of my control. I cried my heart out that year when my grandma passed away. Only a week after my mom and aunt went to visit. Traveling, miles to reach you I took a pit stop at a random worship night at church. More than a good word I needed to praise and let my sorrow be released. It felt nice I had to catch the plane. I got caught by a January birthday unexpectedly. No words were left, but probably my lofi vibrations were felt. You do not know what I was having to travel through figuratively. But I promised to return stronger. Left without a word the piano and praises reverberated through my soul.

My shield has probably been refilled multiple times and unbreakable. Life seems to move quicker when the focus is shifted. A brief hello and a wave. Not sure what my friend ever saw inside me. But I have been reminded these friends saw me battling through the rougher parts of growing. Maybe it were their prayers that saved me and got me through. It was definitely someone's prayer that saved me last time and even last week. A hello with a unexpected nudge caused a 'fatality' in the Mortal Kombat voiceline. Probably, because I have been forcing myself to go outside of familiar to create my destiny. Everything has been a long time coming out of a desert. I cannot begin to explain feeling vs what I observe vs what is God?

It just means the devil's using their trump card to stop me. My tiki-taka is still subpar. It's been awhile since I intentionally moved forward. Yeah, it's a true joy since that was more of a playful nudge. Yes, I can give away something to be kind. Just to be nice and brighten up people's days. But it can be over analyzed when it's just a simple gesture out of the kindness of my heart. I do not need that act of service to feel overbearing. They are doing more then enough calculating me into the plans.

Remember, we all still need to use our words a little more intentionally inclusively. My guard is still up it's natural. Let’s celebrate the gift of Jesus together. We going H1gher.

I can still hear your singing standing next to me. Just be you~