Friday, the 13th

Friday, the 13th

David Rim

(Not finished, format errors)

Paint the picture. Steal the scene. Hit them with that mic drop. Are you fk*** with me right now?

God wants me to go over there. Take a step where it feels uncomfortable am I fearful or anxious?

Stories are purely fictional and to entertain~

Entering the party late I arrived in a new scenario, new environment, and a first step forward. Scanning the room desperately grasping for something of comfort. A familiar face, an area I can be alone or just oxygen to unwire my senses. Why am I here I don't like to party.

I got introduced to a few new faces. And I assimilated quickly brought some dishes. Then did my best to clean up unconditionally. The social environment is draining to me my four hour timer started ticking down. Who's that person leaving I was daydreaming only to notice a departure.

What a Friday the 13th esque scene. Horrifying to me because it was a whirlwind of good news sprinkled with a tight rope balancing act. Still not sure why I showed up. While I am here still trying to be. I have still yet to be introduced to many faces. You speaking of all your triumphs. Probably, a long time coming through prayer and supplication. I could only sit in awe and wonder because unknown to you our timelines are oddly similar.

I lack faith.

We kept avoiding eye contact. But our spirits just knew. Thank you for sharing that day. Too many gatherings and new friendships forming the exciting memories bled into work. Were you watching me clean up people's mess? Minding my own business to keep myself occupied.

I sat in comfort until the door opened. I waved, but I saw two silhouettes who is it my vision is blurry (diabetic). What I found strange was the huddle break one came straight to me the other took a hard left. I needed a break from the socializing let's go see how the kids are doing (goes upstairs for a moment).

Were you watching my interactions?

I spoke very few words overall over the extended weeks of gatherings. Wish I could grab some coffee. That sounds so lovely I lost a lot of sleep to get myself out into the world. No matter how much I write on this piece of paper. It only aides to keep me calm. Mixed with the daily walk with Jesus I am at a different peace with myself. I looked up to my right and you walked closer and I looked to my left another friend walked closer. I did not have many words that day, but told God I needed a sign. I tried to work on that eye contact that evaded me previously. Each time a person spoke I stared with intent. Nevertheless the gaze was avoided. Don't tell me you heard the rumors. I can feel the eyes on me when the third person was speaking. But I'm in my own utopia I forgot how to passively aggressively speak and to be inclusive.

I was happy then.

Where we can we all break bread together. All the kind souls that I wish to be closer with back for another season magically. I was okay with just being present there. I should have sat with the familiar, but I arrived late and sat to welcome the new. Yet, they felt the need to strike up small talk with me. Am I seeing this correctly? Why would you want to block my view they aren't even the one speaking. Not sure where your getting at about my occupation. It's not making me uncomfortable, but where the sight of slight disrespect. Just remember you did not ask enough questions yet. I am older then you think. I have traveled a long lonely journey alone. Developed some grit, been dragged through the dirt, wanted to end it all, call it quits, throw the white towel in, give people the world, help where I can use my strengths and there's still no drama to be found.

That day confirmed for me. You revealed the hole cards. You have been observing me.

Busy, with prior engagements where the outlines of the picture are being filled in. Things are not lining up is it me now, is it you, or is it God telling us to wait. It's become more unbearable. Because I just keep praying to bring me wisdom and peace. Am I too arrogant when you are the person I prayed about. My spirit won't rest. It's been on going for far too long, but it's also too early to do more then finish the borders of this puzzle.

I still don't think we were introduced. In fact you introduced me twice in one day. Thank you for being God fearing.

^You cannot ask for a better person right here. We are both praying to God and focused on not much else. I keep trying to run away. I really am trying to be avoidant even if it's hitting me directly. I give a great poker face as well. The scariest thing is you are keeping up with the pace I'm quietly moving at. There's no reason for you to follow nor could know with our zero communication. There's no need to be of worry from my perspective. I only heard a one sided love story and typically would like to hear it from the source. They usually tell it how it is.

God's telling me to wait.

I hope you know. We had your favorite cookies and my favorite new found snack. We had some drinks to help calm the nervousness. We had some new/old friends that have returned back into town. The stage was set for you to steal the scene. But God called you to serve and attend the hike. Where you cannot let them know your interested. As if the lack of is maybe just an awkward tension.

“A mutual attraction that's pulling. A kindness that stems from both our spirits. This sparks just different.”

That I told my mind stop dreaming. And the trusted voices around me tell say “to ignore the situation” that it's not okay. Yet, God's telling me to wait. Pray, watch me wave this magic wand and see where I am taking you today. I know you see how life of the party they are. How rizzed up three females with you not around. It might not be intentional, but the three beaming with joy from the show. I'm sorry I pushed you away the first few times. Now you pull back with the last interaction.

Let's grab the coffee~ fk this